Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as giraffes.
Fear is not the only emotion Chuck Norris can smell. He can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris."
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.
As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."
MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick his head through a wall and take it.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep... He waits.
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
Under Chuck Norris's beard is not a chin but another fist.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continum.
When Chuck Norris does a push up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

